July 13th, 2007 - Why did God make stupid people?

People are so quick to judge and make their stupid opinions and they just never get it b/c they don't take the time to understand. They just think they know it all...especially those God loving Christians who can be downright nasty with their judgements and opinions...

I tried to reach out on Cafemom.com and ask for help for my IP and me to help us find suitable surrogate insurance. I have never seen so many mean and nasty women...Christians ones too! Here I am trying to help my IP so he will not have to abort one of his triplets and people are judging me and him! HOW FRICKING STUPID to suggest that he adopt out his babies! We want to help him so he does not have to abort his baby, NOT adopt them out. STUPID PEOPLE. I was asking for help and I got judgements and terrible people wanting to take this man's babies....what a bunch of IDIOTS! I got to laugh at the referrals to WIC (women, infant and children which is an agency set up for nutritional and health concerns) DUMB.

And for the STUPID people who told me to lie to my insurance about the babies.... HOW STUPID IS THAT?! Commit fraud and go to jail? HOW STUPID CAN YOU BE?!

Ok....so contact prolife and similar groups. Ok....that really doesn't do anything. Oh wait...maybe it will give me a right not to have the abortion BUT My IP and I would STILL BE in the same FRICKING situation! NO INSURANCE BECAUSE I AM CARRYING TRIPLETS. STUPID STUPID STUPID!

AND stupid people emailing me to adopt this man's babies....do you not read??? He wants his babies...how many frickin times and ways can I say that??! People waste my time for not reading what I'm asking for or read what they want. URGH!

Stupid people just waste my time and suck up all the good oxygen in our world!

Thanks to the VERY few understanding people on Cafemom. Not all moms might agree with what I am doing and that is their right, but at least they have the maturity and respect about the situation.

Our insurance is through NewLife Agency. They are the ones who announced that surrogates carrying triplets will no longer be covered. So please stop referring them to me. My IP is hoping that NewLife will able to work with us for a better solution. I believe this is the first triplets case since their new policy went into effect March 2007.

My 10 week ultrasound is coming up in a week. Will have to reschedule it in the cities with a Baby Specialist (lol, I don't know how to spell the word for it) to see what is exactly going on with Baby #3. The last ultrasound showed it had improved from the previous one. So we will need to determine how that baby is doing.

My IP talked to the specialist that I was referred to as well. I'm not going to bother talking to her b/c it won't make a difference. She's going to tell me how my life is in danger if I carry the triplets. Well if there was any danger, why the heck would the fertility dr transfer 3 embryos?! I just don't need to hear it. They are paid to talk me into being okay with the abortion.

I am leaving the final decision up to my IP as they are his babies. He knows I do not want a reduction, if the babies are ok (which he agrees with too), but I understand and will comply with what he wants. I do not want to add more stress to him....or me.

It is very frustrating that all this is controlled by insurance policies. Very sad. I did send my story to Fox 9 News and supposed to be talking to them on Monday. I have reservations about it. The reporter wants a copy of my contract which I can NOT do b/c I would be in breach of my contract by doing so. I also do not want to bring the name of the agency I am working with into this. I'm afraid of the negativity for the Agency, as both my IP and I are happy with them. I really do think the public needs to hear my story and the dilemnia we are faced with the insurance. There needs to be something done, if not for me now, but for other Intended Parents and their surrogates in the future. Government needs to realize the need for health insurance for EVERYONE. Will have to take this weekend to think more about things and speak with the reporter on Monday.

Well, time to rest...have a great weekend!
A Surrogate Mom

July 12th, 2007 - Happy Birthday, JR!

Today is the birthday of my first born! He is 14 years old! WOW So hard to believe. He is the reason why I have considered becoming a surrogate. I was a 24 year old, single mom when I found out I was pregnant with him. Adoption was not even an option for me considering I was adopted myself. My adopted life sucked...and I wasn't willing to do that to my baby. I am very happy to this day that I stayed strong and raised a great son! Anyways, besides the biological father wanting me to abort, I had many offers of families wanting to adopt my baby. Funny how back then people assumed a single unwed mom shouldn't have her baby! After my son was born, we relocated to MN where we have been ever since. I look back at where I was then and thankful everyday to where I am in my life now....married and with 4 children. My husband adopted my son a month after we were married. :) Since everyone seemed to want my baby, I thought about possibly being a surrogate some day. Why not?

Who would have known...14 years later...here I am...carrying triplets as a gestational surrogate for a single guy.

Unfortunately, my first surrogacy has been a long one with road blocks....luckily my IP has only had to deal with one surrogate...ME....but has gone through 3 Egg donors...and after a year of having been matched, we are finally pregnant. For me, I thought I'd be matched up with my second family by now. So things don't always go the way you hope.

Things with the surrogacy are very stressful this week. When I completed my application, I stated that I would not reduce if I had three babies...I would continue with the pregnancy. The first couple I was matched with wanted to reduce, which was one of the reasons that I did not go with that first couple. My current Intended Parent and I both agreed that if I had triplets, that we would not reduce, unless there was something wrong with one or more of the babies. Reduce is another term for abortion. Just is supposed to sound better. I did not read my contract clearly and the part on Fetal Reduction is different then what I agreed with my Intended Parent. So I have no choice here, I will have to abort one of the triplets before I am 14 weeks. Oh...back up.... in the beginning of 2007, the insurance agency that the Agency uses, stated that they would no longer insure surrogates with triplets. So my Intended parent can not afford the expenses of me to have the Triplets. So basically now, one of the three healthy babies that I am carrying must die within the next 6 weeks....well 5 1/2 weeks. I wonder which baby will it be? Sad, huh?

How sad is that? For me, as the surrogate, I am not at all supportive of aborting one of the babies. While I am pro-choice on abortion, this is not something I would do myself unless there was something bad with one or more of the babies OR if my life was at risk. I admit, I only wanted and want to carry twins, which some have stupidly commented that then I'd be better off with Reduction/Abortion of one of the triplets. HELLO???? I don't think so. It is so wrong to kill a baby for financial reasons. How pathetically stupid is that? My IP acknowledges that we discussed not reducing, but what's he supposed to do now?

I basically have no choice here and will have to have this abortion done. I hope that it is done soon because I will start to feel the babies soon. I have no confidence in my IP or anyone finding surrogate insurance. I have no hope. I am not going to stress myself or my family anymore.

I prayed my hardest for baby #3 to grow and catch up with the other two. It was a miracle....and well look where the miracle took me and the babies. Do you think there will be any more miracles for us? I really have no hope. The Agency must act in the best interest of the IP since the insurance will not cover this. Maybe someone with more strength can pray for a miracle that an Insurance Company will offer insurance for a surrogate with Triplets!

Its been a long journey for me since I applied to be a Surrogate on 01/01/06! This journey has drained me emotionally....2 visits to CA with my husband (away from our kids), and three more trips to CA for 3 embryo transfers, where I had to figure out who would watch my children and make sure that their lives are not disrupted. Each embryo transfer took 4 days away from my children, missing their band concerts, games, etc. Worrying that my baby who sleeps with her mommy isn't wandering around the house looking for me during the night. Me wondering if my plane might crash in the snow storm, etc. Praying that the people caring for my children don't get in a car accident or something. Yes, my trips to CA were fun and all, but its really hard not to worry about my children while I'm gone. I do not like to be away from them...or my husband. Ok...so now...barely into this pregnancy and another problem.... Its starting to take its toll on me. I just want it to be over...the babies be born and this be the end of the journey.

Its hard to be a surrogate. I don't regret it and I will still consider doing it again...sort of....let's see how this ends. I guess what I'm trying to tell you here...it isn't really an easy thing...and on top of that the morning sickness is getting worse!

I think its the anger in me that is making me feel this way. Either way, I look forward to being 14 weeks along because I know then that at that time either one of the babies will be gone OR we will have insurance and 3 babies to look forward to in Feb! I don't want to deal with this.

So if you have the strength for me...pray for a miracle and help me get back on the right path of this journey!

Thanks,
A Surrogate Mom

July 9th, 2007 - 8 week ultrasound

8 week ultrasound done! Baby #1 and #2 (the babies on the right) are measuring on time and both have strong heartbeat rates of 169. You really can't see the baby #2 in the pic...just the sac, but its there. Baby #3 (the baby on the left) is measuring 7 weeks and 5 days, so growing quite well since the last ultrasound 2 weeks ago WITH a strong heartbeat rate of 155. Unfortunately for Baby #3, the gestational sac is not growing like it should but miracles happen...we shall see what happens during the next 2 weeks. It was surprising even to see that Baby #3 had indeed grown and had a strong heartbeat. So Baby #3 is fighting to survive, so I hope you will pray for the baby. The ultrasound pic isn't the greatest but from the monitor I could see all three babies and their heartbeats.

Ok...heard from the dr's nurse. Ultrasound looked good...3 good babies. :) When I asked about baby #3 and the dr's thoughts on whether it will make it or not, they seemed not to want to say anything about it...as they did after the first one. After the first ultrasound the dr commented that the third baby would naturally reduce on its own. I think they must realize that the baby is growing and has a good heartbeat, so they won't tell me what they really think. So hoping that maybe when my CM talks to the dr's office he will find out what they really think.

Hopefully the prayers for baby #3 will continue to help keep baby strong. Next ultrasound in two weeks.

Last night was my last night of progesterone shots. Those shots I had to take every night. The only shot left is the E2V which is done every third night. So I had that shot tonight... I continue the progesterone pills in the am and pm, and the vitamins and estrace pills until I am 10 weeks.

Morning sickness hasn't gotten any better, although I just finished eating some gizzards done on the grill (yummy! lol) and some pasta salad with ham and cheese from Cub foods.... I really liked the salad...got to find out if anyone has their recipe. I've tried similar salads from WalMart and other markets but haven't found one that I liked. Anyways...feeling good after eating...yeah! lol

Well the kids just finished popping some popcorn...time to go watch movies and veg!

Have a great day!

A Surrogate Mom

June 29th, 2007 - Want to SEE???

I figured how to get pictures on here!!! oh yeah! I dont know about you, but I've never seen an ultrasound of multiples before. So hope you find this interesting. The tech numbered the babies (the sacs). You can't really see much from this picture...well the babies which are smaller then peanuts do not show up when I take a pic of the pic. Baby #1 in the pic is measuring a day or so behind with a slow heartbeat, so we are saying prayers daily so that they baby will grow and get stronger. Baby #2 and #3 are measuring fine and have strong heartbeats. I believe in miracles...so anything can happen, right?!

I can not tell you how crappy I feel from having the morning sickness feel 24/7. I've also had a cold and cough...a cold and cough in the summer! Crazy! So the coughing hasn't really helped for sleeping. Luckily its summer vacation and the bigger kids and DH have been helping out a lot. Unfortunately, on top of the yukky cough and cold....my suburban is sick...lol Not sure what is wrong with it...just doesn't start. I'm not too anxious to see it work as the air conditioner doesn't work and I'm enjoying using my hubby's newer truck! (Unfortunately, hubby seems to think that replacing the suburban is more important then our family trip to DisneyWorld next year. We'll have to discuss that another time when I'm not so emotional, lol)

Now if that's not enough....the refrigerator which is just under 6 years old....decides NOT to work! great! Trying to get it to work before we have to pay someone to come and look at it. I actually wouldn't mind a new frig anyways....although you'd think a brand new frig could last at least 10 years!

Ok...what next??? How about the stove??? Don't get me going on how the burners only work when they want to. lol Well this is a very old FREE stove given to us last year...so I can't really complain too much....

Next.... ok the super nice John Deere lawnmower that my hubby had to have....guess his excuse for not mowing the overgrown grass is the lawnmower needs a new blade. He says without a new blade, the motor in the lawnmotor will be ruined. Am I gullable to believe that? Well he's getting a new blade next week! That's something affordable! lol It will be nice to not see those UGLY YELLOW weeds in the grass! URGH....to think we spent so much $$$ on lawn service the last two years to make it look nice...it just doesn't seem to matter b/c the neighbors don't weed their lawn and it blows into our lawn! URGH bet our neighbors on the other side just love us now! lol

I think that is about it for things breaking around here...at the same time! Actually things like this normally happen to us in the month of December! oh well, nothing I can really do about it now...we'll just deal with it one at a time!

Oh, some sad news...my local OB tells me that he will not be able to help me with triplets. Our high tech hospital is not equipped for other then singletons and twins! Ok, well I sort of new that...but I decided to take a nice long nap to see if that issue would go away. lol Luckily I found out that the same Allina facility can help me in Coon Rapids where then I could deliver at Mercy Hospital, which is where I delivered my baby #3 and #4. I used to go to the Coon Rapids Women's clinic when I had #3 but then our insurance changed. So I will at least be familiar with the ofc and hospital. ALSO the peri-natal drs are not too far away from the CR Women's clinic...and should the babies deliver before 34 weeks, everything will be in order for me to go to Abbot where they have the best facilities for high risk pregnancies. phew.... Well I'm not going to really look at relocating drs until after my 10 week ultrasound. Of course if baby #3 does not make it, I will be able to just stay in Cambridge, as planned.

Super thanks to my IP. When I flew out to LA in May, I put my surrogate charm bracelet in my suitcase which I checked. And it was missing by the time I got to the hotel in LA. I've been so bummed. BUT thanks to my IP, he's replaced the important charms for me and then some. I noticed that he did not replace the silver suburban....hmmm....I wonder if that means I will be getting the real thing now??? ROFL OMG, I am so just kidding. I thought that might be a nice laugh for him as he reads this. :) One of the new charms is one that has 3 hanging hearts for the 3 baby heartbeats. I have to take the bracelet to the jeweler to get some rings to attach them to the bracelet and then sodered so they won't fall off. I also received another charm from the agency. Its a stork! Anyways...I love me bracelet. Will have to take a picture of it and post it here another time.

Well time to get ready for bed. I have a big day tomorrow. Its "my day," meaning a day of bingo at the casino. lol Well I have tickets for the boat drawing and other fun $$$ prizes...drawings at 1, 3 and 5. Of course I have to be there for that! lol Play a little bingo and if I win, I will stay and play again in the evening. That's always fun...and a lot cheaper then playing the slots. lol I hope I win something in the drawing. I always try to. Oh yeah...and at the night bingo they are having a drawing for 7 $100 gas cards. So I guess I will have to stay for the evening Bingo session! I think I have a lot of tickets in that drawing too! Better chances for me for the gas cards!

Have a great weekend!

A Surrogate Mom

June 26th - The Next Day

So my psych dr calls today. Asks me if I'm freaked (re: carrying triplets). lol I actually am not. I am just thankful it wasn't one. I know crazy! But hey...I said I wanted the experience of multiples. lol

I'm not sure if the babies can hear just yet, but my two little ones sang songs to my belly last night. They are so funny. They also said a special prayer for the third baby to grow and to get strong. As I watched my little ones, I thank God every day for my 4 children. They are so thoughtful and give me strength as we wait out the fate of the third baby.

This sort of reminds me when I was 9 and there was this baby born named Samantha. She was born with 3 holes in her heart and with down syndrome. The doctors did not give her more the 3 months to live. Samantha was placed in foster care with my family because her parents were unable to care for her with the medical conditions. Her parents and my parents (who ended up adopting her with her parents blessings) never gave up on this little baby. Samantha lived to be 7 years old. With a little hope and love AND a miracle, she survived. It might have been a short lived life, but we gave her a chance. Samantha who was born on July 12th, died Nov 8th. Coincidentally, my first child was born July 12th and my second child was born Nov 8th. Strange, huh?

Well, on a funny note...I pray that if I do miscarry, it happens at home and not when I'm at one of the kids' baseball games or at BINGO! Seriously, its really hard to leave the home knowing it could happen anytime...or will it?

Ok...time for a nap before venturing out to my daughter's softball game tonight. Have a great day!

A Surrogate Mom

June 25th, 2007 - TRIPLETS

To think that I have been so worried since the beta that I was pregnant with just one!!! lol After the ultrasound this morning, I called my IP right away to say what I saw...and then went back to bed...because I've been so yukky from morning sickness and lacking sleep from being anxious for the ultrasound to see how many! So I sleep with my cell phone...just a habit plus it has an alarm on it for wake up. So the Fertility Clinic called and I was in a good sleep so I was probably not saying much...just that you should have the report soon and something about two babies and remember the nurse saying...good twins.... An hour later she calls and says "Honey, did you realize you have triplets?" huh? Oh yeah, I guess you're right. lol

Well one of the babies is measuring a day smaller and the heartbeat is not very strong. So time will tell on what will happen to the baby. There is a slight chance the baby will survive but the dr said to be prepared to miscarry. The other two babies are measuring fine and have strong heartbeats. While I really only want to carry twins, I will pray for the third baby. I'm not sure how it will be to miscarry again. Some probably think it will be better off if I miscarry the third baby which I personally think is a terrible thing to even say to me. The baby is alive right now and has a heartbeat. Give the baby a chance. If that was me, I'd hope that someone would pray for me to live. Yes, I was hoping that 2 out of 3 would take but we knew going into this that all 3 could take. It would have been easier if the baby had not heartbeat when doing the ultrasound. I will have my 8 week ultrasound on July 9th. So maybe we will know the future of the third baby then.

FAQ: Will I carry all three or reduce? No, I will not reduce unless my life was a danger, which it is not. Some surros have been through the reduction and its been no big deal, so others don't seem to understand or realize what goes on..or why I wont consider it. I am pro-choice and will admit that, but personally I don't believe in abortion for myself...on my body. The agency and clinic do not fuss about the reduction and are supportive of it. In our contract, the IP and I discuss the situation before hand...so the decision isn't made when its too late. We both agreed that we would not reduce if there were three babies, even though its more desirable to have two.

Ok...so not that there is nothing wrong with reduction but like I said, its something I do not wish to do myself. I am also going to share what a reduction is, so you may not want to read this now... Most people do not like to refer this as to an abortion but from my opinion there are a lot of similarities....especially the "unwanted baby being terminated." A long needle is injected into the woman's stomach, straight into the unwanted baby's heart. (Its sort of like an amnio, except that needle goes into the fluids NOT the baby). An ultrasound is used to monitor the unwanted baby, so you can see everything that is going on. So this needle goes into the unwanted baby's heart and stays there until there is no heartbeat. The needle is removed and they monitor the baby to make sure its dead. (Sort of scary when you hear about botched up abortions and the baby lives but with deformities.) The baby will then eventually abort or be absorbed by the other babies, or just stay there and be squooshed up by the other babies and come out when the other babies are born. They say if it comes out when the other babies are born, you will not even be able to recognize the baby. Nice, eh?

Also, when you do a reduction....who the heck do you pick? What if you pick the wrong one? Heck, I guess it doesn't matter...you'll never know. Well, I suppose if one doesn't think much of it and not consider the baby is a life or something, it makes it easier to reduce.

With IVF you just never know what will take and what won't. Do you limit your chances? It was such a hard decision after 2 failed transfers. You just never know and if the fertility dr thought all three would have taken, he would have advised otherwise.

Lastly, my dear friends, if you hope I miscarry the 3rd baby, please keep it to yourself. Don't tell me I will be better off. I dont care what studies/research say about carrying triplets because you know I hear from other moms with multiples who did just fine. I think if I was not fit to carry multiples, I never would have been accepted into the surrogacy program. I'M NOT A STATISTIC AND DON'T CARE TO BE REFERRED TO THEM. I would though expect some compassion and concern that this little baby with a heartbeat might not make it...give it a chance. Pray for the baby. These babies are not mine genetically but I am still the birth mom and I really dont want a baby to die in me..even if its considered unwanted. I'm sorry if you can't understand that.

On a happier note here...I am grateful for the two babies that have strong heartbeats and hope that they do well should anything happen to the third baby. I am doing well. I am very tired and rest a lot. Food doesn't seem to agree with me a lot but my daughter has been making me peanut butter sandwiches or ham sandwiches with mustard...and that seems to be agreeing with me. :) The morning sickness has mainly been in the evenings but I have noticed that that the last couple of days I wake up feeling it too. I can't brush my teeth in the morning or I get really sick. I crave fountain p0p....so I've been doing lemonade with a shot of sprite. I can not tell you what an inconvenience it is to these fast food places to do half and half...I could see if it was during the busy times, but usually its late evening that I want it... lol I guess I will just get my exercise by getting out and going into Holiday and pouring my own!

Ok...I have to run now, I just realized we are supposed to be at my son's bball game. BBL

A surrogate mom

June 20th, 2007 - Dinner Last Night

So last night, we stopped in town for dinner at our favorite Chinese Buffet place....where they know you and the kids ages and what we drink each time....even the take out order that we place before we leave because hubby and oldest son can't get off their butts to join us for dinner. (They are playing their xbox 360 online, of course.)

I am thinking I am going to have to wait until after my first trimester to eat Chinese food b/c lately right after I eat it, I just feel gross! lol

My now 6 year old (his birthday was June 13th) says to me at the restaurant... "Mommy, do you think the food you are eating are falling on the babies?" It was too funny and sweet. I think the regulars there get a kick out of my kids and the things that they say. So then someone asks him, how many babies are there. He's like "probably 2 or 3, its hard to say right now." lol Bet that gave everyone something to talk about!

Anyways, thought I would share that with you. :)
Happy Happy Hump day!
A surrogate mom