November 30th, 2006 - It's Over

Hi Everyone!

I am sad to say that they've pulled the plug on this transfer. I guess it was not a heartbeat afterall. Thus since no heartbeat was detected, there is no baby to be. All meds were stopped on Tuesday and we will wait a week for my body to get ready to miscarry. If that does not happen in a week then I will have to find a local OB to go to. In the meantime I'm feeling morning sickness 24/7 but more strongly at night. I guess I hadn't anticipated that and feeling as I do. Emotionally I am ok and don't forsee anything more as a result of ending this pregnancy. It just wasn't meant to be. I know that my IP is hoping for a miracle that baby might be there. It really is a hard decision because both my IP and I still wonder why my levels can be so elevated and there be no heartbeat? The sac is measuring way small and that is not good. The clinic stated that 6 weeks is the mark they use...if no heartbeat is determined at 6 weeks then the process is ended and we get ready for the next transfer. For me, I wish we could have waited until 8 weeks to determine a heartbeat. We are working with a very reputable clinic and I have much confidence in our doctor, so I am ok with the final decision.

So what next? I will hopefully miscarry on my own within the next week. If not, I will go to a local OB for a D&C. Some say that either way a D&C will help for the next transfer. Will have to ask my fertility doctor about that. The clinic says I must have two periods before we begin another transfer.

There are only 4 embryos left, which are also frozen. They are excellent, very good and 2 good. Dr states that when they thaw that there is a possibility that they embryos will not stay together. So I guess that means I could fly out there for the transfer only to find out that the embryos are no good. So my IP is wondering what he should do. Do you get another ED or take a chance. To think that we thought this was going to be a simple easy process.

My concern is that I want to be a surrogate and if these transfer don't work...is it my fault or the embryos? The standard, I believe and as stated in my contract, is to try 3 transfers with the surrogate and then its over. So if it doesn't work, then I can't be a surrogate for anyone? I guess I could talk to my CM about it. Well hopefully it won't come to that. I pray that the next transfer will work for us. I think in previous posts I might have mentioned that my IP told me that we had an increase chance of the transfer taking the second time. Well I think that is incorrect.

So what am I going to do? Well, I think I've gained about 20 lbs since March when I started on birth control pills and hormones. So I am going to work on loosing that weight and then some. I am going to cut out drinking pop...well at least pop with caffeine...and fried foods! I have read that it might help to cut the caffeine and fried foods out. We can't afford junk food at home, so I dont have to worry about that stuff. lol I'm also going to start walking a little bit each day on the treadmill since its way too cold here in MN to even walk out to my suburban! lol Ok...I'm exaggerating but its just not walking weather here!

Anyone watch All My Children (AMC)? I have been watching it for years. Anyways, its interesting to read the homophobic posts on the boards at www.AllMyChildren.com Just goes to show that the community needs to be educated. There were some ridiculous, ignorant posts, such as "for every 1 new GLBT viewer to AMC, they will loose 4 regular AMC viewers." How the heck would they even know that??? Give me a break! Well, its all very interesting and will be interesting on how AMC chooses to go with this issue. While it is really to help AMC ratings, I hope that this will help educate others about the GLBT community.

Here is a link about this:
Daytime TV Character Tackles Transgender Issues
"Zarf" is the first transgender character to grace a soap opera.
http://abcnews.go.com/Video/playerIndex?id=2684725

Well that's all I have for today. I need to go get a little nap in before I have to pick up the kids from school.

Have a great day!
A Surrogate Mom

November 28th, 2006 - Do You Believe In Miracles?

Hi!

Had my ultrasound today. Was able to see the yolk sac a little better then 4 days ago. Possible view of some fetal pull...hmmm...no clue what that means but I think that's good. Heartbeat was very very hard to see between the pulsing of the blood vessels, but pretty sure there was a heartbeat. Must wait for the radiologist to review the pics and contact the clinic with the results. I will probably be having more ultrasounds in the days to come, as well as another beta test to see where my levels are at...but will have to wait to hear from the clinic.

I still feel we won't see anything real good until around 8 weeks. Just my opinion from having 4 of my own children.

Well I hope that we will find out that the transfer did take and we will have a baby. Its been a pretty stressful few weeks not knowing...still not knowing. I am more hopeful though...ok...today I am. :)

Thank you to my IP for the beautiful silver angel charm. Got it on my surrogate charm bracelet! What a nice surprise!!! Love it!!!

Well, my husband came home from work today...early...so early, my baby and I were still snoozing on the couch...our morning ritual after the other 3 kids leave for school! (That's the joy of being a SAHM!) He's bummed and irritated with his job...while its a great job that he's had for a few years, they just can't seem to give him the hours and jobs are cancelling left and right. And well...its really hard on us when we have only his income to depend on. I feel bad for him because I know how much this stresses him. We had talked this past summer about just packing up the kids and moving somewhere to begin a new life for us. Then his job offered a job change/promotion, which seems to have fizzled out and never happened. So dh has decided to go back to his job search in/around Temecula, CA. I am hoping that he finds something that will make him happy...and busy.

The thought of moving to CA is exciting and hope that this time it can really work out. I know too that this would be such a plus for my IP since he lives in CA. And if moving to CA doesn't find happiness for DH, we can always move back to MN.

Well, that's it for now. Must get some things done before I pick up the kids from school.

Have a great day!
A Surrogate Mom

November 27th, 2006 - It's Monday!!!

Well, I'm not sure what to make of this but my HCG level was elevated (15,000) which has the doctor surprised after Friday's ultrasound results. The dr said it wasn't looking good and it was time to stop...but not until we check my levels. Well, surprise, surprise. Not getting my hopes up too much. I do not have any good feelings on how I think this might go. So guess we will just have to continue to wait and see! I can't help but wonder if there is a problem with the baby. I hope not. I do hope that I'm pregnant! Heck, I'll even give up my hopes on having twins...just having ONE baby will be happy news!!!

Tomorrow I am to have an ultrasound to see if they can see a heartbeat. It will be 4 days since the last and I wonder if it will even be there yet. I hope so. In my experience, my ob has done my ultrasounds at 8 weeks to determine heartbeats and number of babies. I was 6.4 weeks along as of last Friday.

Well waiting to hear back from radiology about an appointment for tomorrow. They haven't received the fax and they are all booked tomorrow. So they will have to get back to me.

:) Until tomorrow!

Have a great day!
A Surrogate Mom

November 25th - 2006 - A month until Christmas!!!

I had my ultrasound yesterday. Results aren't good and on Monday I will have a beta test to see if there is a change in my levels. This will be the last step before we stop all meds and get ready for another transfer. Since there is a sac, they just want to make sure there is no baby before they stop this. I am at 6.4 weeks and the sac is too small and there is no heartbeat. Its not looking good and there really isn't hope left that this transfer worked.

I will have to ask them if they can tell why the transfer did not take.

So will hope that Monday we can move on and start a new cycle for the next transfer. I hope that we can get the transfer in before Christmas as the clinic shuts down for the Holidays.

Wish I had better news but will continue positive thoughts towards a successful transfer soon!

Hope you all had a nice Thanksgiving holiday!
One month to Christmas!!! :)

Hugs,
A Surrogate Mom

November 18th, 2006 - WHAT'S GOING ON????

Where does time go? Have you been wondering what the heck has been going on with me??? Its been a stressful 3 weeks for me.

November 5th - Had my first beta test and the results were disappointing. 31

November 7th - had my second beta test and not much of improvement: 64

Anything over 100 for my first beta test would have been a good pregnancy. Dr said the numbers were very bad and didn't look good...but anything could happen...so there is hope.

My third beta test was 229...ok getting better but not a very strong pregnancy. URGH ok...so am I pregnant or not? They say I'm pregnant but a good pregnancy, no. BUT I have to go for a 4th Beta test now. Well the 4th beta test is 1093. So now I'm confused.

Ultrasound was done yesterday. I am just over 5 weeks along. The tech did not make me feel confident about the entire procedure. I am schedule for another ultrasound on November 24th. Anyways, one sac was found, no heartbeat. It was really early to see anything. Was lucky to see the one sac. The nurse from the clinic says that it is measuring smaller then it should be, but didn't say if that is good or bad. I figure its not good if its too small.

Its so frustrating for me and I doubt anyone can understand that or the feelings I have. So easy for them to say relax and time will tell. Yeah, well thats easy to say but it would be nice to know "yes" you are pregnant and "yes" everything will be ok.

I do hope that the next ultrasound will bring miracles and we find out that at least one of the three embryos took. If this transfer did not take, then all fertility drugs stop and we wait for my period. Once I get my period, then we will begin working towards a new transfer...but I hope that the ultrasound on Friday will bring us good news.

Well, despite the stress and waiting phase, I am doing well. I am healthy. Have not caught the colds that the kids have picked up from school. I still have headaches from time to time, but not as severe and frequently as in the beginning. Guess that means my body is getting used to the drugs.

I had a little stress today. Realized that while I might have a lot of shots in my bag, that doesn't mean I have enough meds! Since I have another person giving me the shots, I didn't realize I had enough for one more shot after last night! I won't be able to get more overnighted to me until Tuesday! Luckily I have enough of the pills that I can double up on until I can get more meds for my shots. Ok...good thing...this means that I dont have shots again until Tuesday! lol a little break for me!

Well, I hope that gets your caught up with where I am. :) Got my fingers crossed for better news next Friday!

Have a great week!
A Surrogate Mom