Making your way in the world today takes everything you've got.
Lately I have been feeling like "Norm" when I go out to play Bar Bingo at the various different country bars...you know...where ever the coverall jackpots are big! lol Every night and day there is some type of bar Bingo to go to...but I've been hitting the ones on Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday (if no church, lol...great alternative to church), Thursday and sometimes Friday! At first I thought it was a gambling addiction but I really can say that it isn't because I don't have the finances to support a gambling addiction! I've been pretty lucky to win big at this Bingo stuff and then I can play for days off the winnings! After being home all day with the kids, its a nice break to get away...of course we only go when its a big pot...so its not all the time...just seems like it. lol Anyways...I don't have a gambling addiction and I can say NO without any problems...so far (lol). J/K, really...no addiction. I just like to go and be around friends. PS...I also do not smoke or drink.
But let's get back to "Norm." Sunday was the Christmas pageant at the church I have been a member of for just over 2 years. The first two years, I went religiously every Sunday and was there every Wednesday to help out with Logos and Confirmation...and nursery for Alpha on Sunday nights and basically whenever I was asked to help out. I've sort of lost interest in going every Sunday because I just can't help but feel like an outsider...in my own church! I "know" a lot of people at church. I KNOW they "know" who I am. Ok...back to Sunday...so I got there an hour early b/c I have learned in past years that you have to if you want to sit up front and see the kids. So I'm sitting in the third row from the front on the right. When I arrived, there were people in the first three rows on the left that I know from church and our children's schools...I smiled towards them and ok...its not like they invited me to sit with them...although they did invite another family who we "know" to sit closer to them... they did the "look the other way" thing...whether it was intentional or not...it happened. So I sat by myself, across the aisle from this group. No one said anything to me. I had the entire pew row to myself.
It gets better, mind you. The entire church FILLS UP and I'm still the only one in the darn pew!!! Ok...I might be a little fat b/c of having babies, but I'm not ugly. I am a nice person and never had bad words with anyone at church or the school. Oh...and I don't smell, and well I was wearing jeans and a fleece pullover from College. People NORMALLY will fill in the empty spots up front, KWIM? But not the pew I was sitting in. I was far from being a stranger. I'm not the type of person to brag about myself or talk about other people. I have a home business but I don't ever bother anyone about it...you know...to buy something or have a party. So no reason to avoid me, that I can think of. So why was it that I sat all by myself in this pew....third row from the front???
Well the pew in front of me was getting packed by this one family and they tried to squeeze 2 more adults in but just couldn't do it. lol The two eventually sat on the other end of the pew that I was in. After the program started, an older couple like my parents age, sat in the middle of the pew finally. It just was amusing to say the least.
So where does "Norm" come in? Well, last night I went to Bar Bingo in a town 14 miles from here...a town I dont know anyone but knew that the jackpot was $1500. I walk in there not knowing anyone but everyone sitting around the bars and the few tables who recognized me said "HI (and my name)" WOW am I in Church? Oh, wait its a BAR! I realized that there were people who I've seen at other places but didn't know, greeted me as well. I also realized that some people who said my name I didn't know and they knew it. So I was introduced to them by other people sitting next to them that knew me. I was introduced to another couple who I've seen but never knew their name. So now I realize why I have been at the bars more frequently...the people I meet at these different bars have taken the time to just say HI, have some nice conversation, as well as to invite me to other things happening around town...just like any good friends would do. Not once in the two years at my church has anyone asked me to do something with them or "hey, lets get together with the kids" and actually do it.
Trust me, I have gone out of my way to participate/volunteer in church to get to know the other members...even invited them to do things, etc. No one has ever called me. (LOL, doesn't that sound pathetically sad???) My kids and I...or just myself, will walk into church events and look for a place to sit and not once has anyone invited us/me to sit with them. I would really think something was wrong with me but its just a church thing...I'm not liked in God's House...well this particular one...but I can walk into a bar, of all places, and feel like NORM "where everyone knows your name."
Church and God are important to me. I just choose not to flaunt it like some people who need to remind us they are Christians, etc I find that some people (my bar friends) feel that church is a clique of people and its about donating our money. When I first attended this church, I loved it because the sermons were uplifting and I could relate in many ways. The sermons set me up for the week of the things I needed to be more aware of, things I need to work on changing in my life, how I can help others, how I can do more for my family and for God. I didn't care about how many friends I made, etc. The people were nice and are nice. They just aren't very open to letting outsiders in...its just so hard to break into their circles. Maybe they don't realize it, but I wish they would. Yes, one of the great things about our church is that the senior pastor plays the drums during our services sometimes. I think that is kewl. Church can and should be a great place for everyone to come together, but sadly I don't see that happening.
I just love the lyrics to the Cheer's theme song. Its so fitting for my life...for my life with my husband and kids...for my husband. Well, in the end, I know its not just me and my life doesn't just revolve around me making friends at church. I've dwelled on it and now its time to move on. I am looking forward to moving with my family to begin a new adventure in our lives, meet new people, get to know another part of the world and to see what our future brings.
Have a wonderful day!
A Surrogate Mom
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